By Paul, Founding Editor, Room 19 Golf
Issue 014 | The Icebreaker
I’m no longer the target audience for a dating app (I’m 44 and been with my wife for 20 years), but I still very much remember exactly what a second date used to mean: another two hours across a table, or a seat next to someone in a dark cinema, still working out who they really were underneath all the good behaviour. Golf turned out to be nothing like that.
It unmasks someone’s temperament faster than almost anything else I’ve played. These days a round, or even just an hour on a simulator, is basically two dates in one: you try golf, and you bring someone along, and by the time you’re walking off you already know more about how they handle a bad moment than a whole dinner would ever have told you.
None of what follows comes from a date of my own. I'm not doing that anymore. It came from watching the pattern from outside it instead, the same claim kept turning up whenever the subject came up, and a handful of venues had already built a real, recurring business around it without anyone quite explaining why it works.
Why does dinner make it so easy to hide who you are?
Dinner puts you in more control than almost any other kind of date. You choose your words, you choose how calm you look, and if it’s not going well you’re stuck there for a while working out how to leave gracefully. Over 80% of daters say dinner is the hardest kind of date to escape once it’s already going wrong, and the average one runs close to three hours, according to a 2023 survey of 2,000 daters run for Canada Dry. That’s a long time spent controlling every part of yourself in front of someone you barely know.
Does it really take less time than a bad dinner?
It can, and that’s the point. Most golf simulator venues let you book a bay by the hour, no membership, no full round required, just a set of clubs and a screen. Urban Golf’s own pricing page lists a standard rate of £40 an hour, off-peak. If it’s not working, you’re out in under an hour. If it is working, there’s still time left for food, or another drink, afterwards.
Is there real evidence an activity reveals more than dinner does?
There’s more to this than one person’s experience with a set of clubs. Relationship expert Susan Winter has said an activity date tends to draw out unguarded, natural responses, the kind of read on someone’s actual disposition that’s harder to get from two people sitting still and trying to make a good impression across a table. Allison Gerrits, a matchmaker at Three Day Rule, makes a similar point: an activity date shows someone’s true colours quickly, often within the first few minutes.
None of this is a new discovery about golf specifically, either. “To find a man’s true character, play golf with him” is a line commonly attributed to P.G. Wodehouse, whose golf writing dates back to the 1920s. There’s no referee watching every shot in golf, so how someone scores themselves, handles a bad one, and treats whoever they’re playing with has stood in as a character test for close to a century, long before dating apps existed.
Is this already happening, or just a nice theory?
It’s already happening, and has been for a while. A recurring dating night, run by True Dating rather than Puttshack itself, has taken place at Puttshack’s Bank venue in London for more than 17 months straight, with listings still selling forward dates. Topgolf’s own marketing in the UK makes a similar pitch directly, one of their own blog posts is headlined “7 Reasons Topgolf is an Unmatchable Date Location.” Neither venue built its business around dating. They just turned out to be a good setting for it, and both have noticed.
Does it have to be a big commitment to work?
No, and that’s the part that makes it work as a first step rather than a big ask. Golf never expects a beginner to start with a full eighteen holes, you start with a bucket of balls at a range, then a few holes, long before anyone plays a full round. A full round takes close to four hours by the USGA’s own reckoning. An hour on a simulator, or a quick round of mini golf, is a fraction of that. Two people can do the same thing golf already does for new players: start small, see how it goes, and only take it further if it’s worth taking further.
The Icebreaker
Dinner was never built to reveal anyone. It’s built for control, careful words, a calm face, a table that gives you time to compose yourself before you say anything real. Golf wasn’t built for dating at all, but it does something dinner structurally can’t: it puts a small, visible failure in front of someone, a bad shot, a missed putt, with nowhere to hide the reaction to it. That’s not a gimmick. It’s a faster, more honest read on who someone really is, and it comes with a low-stakes way to start that golf already worked out for its own beginners long before anyone thought to use it for a first date.
If you’ve ever learned more about someone from one bad shot than a whole evening of conversation, I’d like to hear about it. Drop a comment: what’s the smallest moment that told you the most about someone you were just getting to know?
Previously in Room 19:
Issue 011 | The New Icon, on personality replacing the old template for who gets to stand out.
Issue 012 | The Misread, on the handicap system most people mistake for a scale of shame.
Issue 013 | The Wall, on what decides who feels welcome in a clubhouse before anyone’s said a word.
Personal Story | Too Laddy, on where golf’s laddish energy tips from fun into something that pushes people out.
I started Room 19 because I wanted golf writing that treated the game the way the culture magazines I actually read treat everything else, properly, not as tips, gear reviews and FOMO shots of golf courses. If you want the next one first, subscribe below.
Paul is the founding editor of Room 19, a golf brand telling the untold stories of the game for people who found it through culture, not the clubhouse. He took up golf at 37. Find Room 19 on Instagram and TikTok.
Quick answers
How long does a golf simulator session usually take? Most venues book by the hour with no membership required. Urban Golf’s own pricing page lists a standard rate of £40 an hour, off-peak.
How long does a full round of golf take? Around four hours, per the USGA’s own reference point for a round played at a normal pace with no waiting.
Is there research showing activity dates reveal more about someone than dinner does? Yes. Relationship expert Susan Winter and matchmaker Allison Gerrits have both said activity-based dates draw out more unguarded, natural reactions than a traditional sit-down date.
Who said you can judge someone’s character by playing golf with them? A line commonly attributed to the writer P.G. Wodehouse, whose golf stories date back to the 1920s: “To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.”
Is there already a recurring golf-based dating event in the UK? Yes. True Dating has run a “Mini Golf Singles Party” at Puttshack’s Bank venue in London for more than 17 months straight, with listings still selling forward dates.
Sources: Susan Winter and Allison Gerrits on activity dates revealing character, via Bustle. “To find a man’s true character, play golf with him,” commonly attributed to P.G. Wodehouse, via onedayjournals.com and Goodreads. Urban Golf’s hourly simulator pricing (£40/hour off-peak, no membership) via Urban Golf’s own pricing page. Puttshack’s own average game length (about 30 minutes for 9 holes, 2 players) via Puttshack’s help centre. Four-hour full-round reference via USGA, Anatomy of a Four-Hour Round. True Dating’s recurring “Mini Golf Singles Party” at Puttshack Bank, run by True Dating rather than Puttshack itself, dated listings found from March 2025 through August 2026, via True Dating and True Dating’s events listing. Topgolf UK’s own dating-focused marketing via Topgolf’s blog. The dinner-date survey figure (over 80% say dinner is hardest to leave once it’s going badly, average length 2.72 hours) is credited to a 2023 OnePoll survey of 2,000 daters commissioned by Canada Dry; a direct link to the original release wasn’t confirmed after a search, flagging as outstanding rather than publishing a guessed link, and it’s a US-only survey, not necessarily representative of UK dating habits. The reflection that golf reveals character faster than most things Paul's played is his own stated view; the claim that this makes golf work as a dating format specifically is presented as an outside observation rather than personal dating experience, per the opening's own framing.